So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
