dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
