I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
