I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
