I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize