It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My vagina just recognized that song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize