My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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