What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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