Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
