chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
