The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
