so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
