You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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