Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
