He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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