I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
