if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
