Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
