Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
