Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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