Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my liver is dry heaving
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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