Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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