I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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