Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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