Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
