hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
