so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize