I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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