I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
