saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
