remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
