new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
