That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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