he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
