Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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