So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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