I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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