I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
