Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
