I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
