She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
