I have demons in me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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