Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
