Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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