He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
