Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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