I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize