Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
