Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This house was built for laser tag.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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