He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
