soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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