i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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