I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
