Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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