I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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