Whod you bang
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
