Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
