I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We are all done wearing pants today
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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