i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
