But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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