She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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