i will never coherently bang her
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
