I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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