Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the raccoons are back...
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