after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
